THE STORY OF THE BOY BULLER



What happened in his childhood came to fill his everyday life in an inappropriate way. But he learned what he had to! With this story, he lets go of the burden and enjoys his free company.



A LONG STORY WITH A BEAUTIFUL FINISH




"THE STORY OF "BULLER"

Outside, darkness has really fallen - the sound of autumn is pressing in through the leaky cracks of the the front door.
The trees are shaken by the violent wind - autumn is well on its way. You can feel that nature has decided to clean up after a lovely dry and warm summer.
Now we need to clean up and put the last leaves back in place on the forest floor.
It's actually very cozy with these seasonal soundscapes - while it crackles pleasantly in the the open fireplace, the sound is weak and only stops when one of the logs loses its balance and sinks burning down the stack. Buller, as he likes to be called, has invited me on a weekend cabin trip to southern Sweden. The cabin is beautifully nestled between the forest and the Mørum River on a small dead end road in Blekinge County. Buller and I have been close friends throughout our lives - we are the same age.
Today we spent walking around the small, somewhat touristy town, which is the center of salmon fishing on the Mørum River.
One of the finest in the world. Dinner was, as usual, at the restaurant "Lakserøgeriet". Back home it's time for a cup of Barista evening coffee and a large glass of 16 year old Lakavulin Scotts whiskey.
A day with lots of impressions and not least the satiety in the body from the good dinner.
We are united in that magical moment and in a comfortable silence. The whole universe is filled with beautiful energies and the crackling of the fireplace.
He breaks the silence quietly by take a sip of the divine drops and clear your head a little.
“First, I want to refresh you on my view of the universe.
We live in a spiritual system where we are reincarnated again and again - each turn has a developmental task and thus something we must live through and gain experience from.
Before each trip is agreed upon, an agreement is made about what the upcoming trip is about.
That's how it looked to me when I got this trip in the early 1950s or you You could call it a mission.
I would be born into a family and experience firsthand what it's like to be an incest child.
The experiences and lessons from this upbringing were to equip me for roles later in life, where I should come into contact with people who have also experienced the same or similar experiences.
Some of them I also had to give treatment to.
You know the saying “Equal children play best””

He pauses and stares into the flames, then gathers his courage before continuing.
I can see that the conversation is important but also really heavy - perhaps something he has been carrying for a long time.
He breaks the pause by taking a sip from his glass - I happily keep him company and we drink in silence.
We just wait for the divine drink to run down through the body, causing the heat from the liquor to spread.

In a way, it's nice to know - that it might have been monks who discovered this divine drink.
During the evening the wind has died down and the fire in the fireplace is now burning quietly - most of the The firewood has now sunk down and turned into orange embers.
He continues slowly - it's like he's peering behind a curtain - that has been drawn. long - a peek into a room full of the kind of experiences that are so heavy to bear - heavy to tell - even heavier to relive.

​
1.



Buller continues

"I've never told this story before. You know I had a lot of problems in my childhood.
My schooling in particular was an experience with many losses - defeats - this feeling of being different - not fitting in.
Something in my life was different from the friends I had in my everyday life, without which I could not put a finger on something special.
Except that I was the only one in the block who was alone with my mother. Which was very unusual at that time.
I hadn't been in school very long - before I was made into a problem.
Conversations with the teacher - conversations with the psychologist - conversations with the health visitor - always with me as the center - There was nothing wrong with my giftedness - but I couldn't concentrate for very long at a time.
"If I pulled myself together, I could go far" I was sent away - to get things under control - Summer colony - Observation home and it doesn't help much - because I come home and end up in the middle of the problems again.
None of the smart people can figure things out.
That I am an incest child who has been abused and has been since I was a baby.
Both my father and my mother were involved in these abuses."

He pauses for a moment - while he thinks - but it's as if something has broken loose. the bag of trauma - and it just needs to come out.
While he has spoken in this stream of burdensome words - I have been speechless - What a burden to bear.
And so all alone for all these years.
“The thing was that both my mother and my father were involved in these pedophile abuses. My father took advantage of my baby sucking reflexes and later the abuse continued on my butt. I think my mother only joined in later, when she took advantage of the fact that I got an erection from the touches.”

He stopped - he had to digest the sentences before continuing.
"One of my therapists later in life as an adult - called this type of "loving abuse""
When the victim becomes an active part of the abuse.
Then there are loving relationships between the abuser and the victim. But it is still abuse. Which leads to a new failure the day the abuse stops - you also lose the love that the abuse contains.
My parents divorced when I was 8 years old, and my father moved back home to my grandmother.
He never touched me again - but his lust never disappeared.
From then on, I had a permanent place in my mother's bed.”

"Was it finally discovered?"

He continues - but his voice no longer sounds so heavy and tired
"When I was to be confirmed - all my mother's siblings were invited. In that connection, this remark was made:"
"Uncle Åge said - that it was strange - that I was still sleeping with her. Even though I had my own room."
"I don't remember the details of the abuse - as my loving brain has put a foggy veil over all these experiences. My childhood is very blurry until I was about 13 years old. But throughout the rest of my life, of course, a few pieces have appeared, in the form of pictures - but never about the abuse itself."

​​
2.



HAPPY MOMENT



He gets up and opens the door to the terrace, letting in some cool night air - he goes out onto the large wooden terrace and stands looking up at the sky, dreaming quietly.


Meanwhile, I pour 2 glasses of the divine elixir - and wait for the continuation.
Shortly after, he comes back - takes a few pieces of firewood from the fire basket and puts them in the embers - then settles back into his chair.
He sipped his glass and just waits for the liquor to make its way down his esophagus with a warm and loving touch as an aftereffect.

I start the conversation again by asking the question:
"What did that mean for your childhood?"

He lingered on the question for a while and then answered.

“Something was wrong, I instinctively knew, without being able to put it into concrete words. So I tried to get those around me to understand that there were problems that I needed help with. Skipped school, had problems in the children's group.
But they only looked at me - I was the problem - they didn't suspect my mother.
She was also an incredibly beautiful and attractive woman who enjoyed the attention.”

He took a breath and continued,
“But what the subconscious represses - the body remembers.” The abuse they inflict settles in the parts of the body that have experienced the abuse. It is as if the muscles also have a memory - where they store trauma. It took my rectum many years to forget what had happened. I have always had difficulty taking my temperature, even with the current digital thermometers. are quite thin - the body registers that this "attack is a foreign body.
The same goes for my mouth. If I'm missing a third hand and, for example, place my wallet in my mouth, it immediately creates a vomiting reaction - the body registers that this "attack is a foreign object." But there's no problem eating a whole potato at once. I've often wondered how the body can tell the difference between the different experiences.”

“Throughout the 80s and 90s, I had regular treatments of various types. Psychotherapy - healing - role playing - meditation - sand play - self-development and education. It has had an enormous impact - and so have various relationships.
If you meet a partner who understands - that you are going through something from your childhood - and that it is not about the relationship between us - then it is easier to let go - not lie - cover up - or repress what is happening in your body and why you react the way you do.
But the feeling of being abandoned - has always played a big role - I am still working on that. Several of my love relationships in life were also women with the same or similar experiences."

You know, "Even children play best"

​3



AN IMPORTANT MOMENT ♥



Under He looked at me and looked out the large window - which during the day allowed a fantastic view but which now only let a lot of darkness into the room.

You could, however, make out a few faint lights from down in the city.

Then he shrugged and continued


"My mother was a fantastically loving and caring mother. She spoiled me throughout my childhood.

I grew up with the dream of - playing the violin and having an interest in classical music - theatre - opera and ballet.

So in that way I was introduced to a very different and exciting world.

When grandchildren arrived, she was a fantastic grandmother - always quick to save a situation when a child was sick - loved taking them on vacation - playing role-playing games with them.


She also became one of Denmark's first female bus drivers.


My father was a lively and loving man.

Loved attending parties and family get-togethers.”


He stopped and traveled back in his thoughts - before continuing.


"My father had had a troubled childhood. Immigrants from the Faroe Islands - landed in some homeless barracks in Copenhagen."

He was raised by a single mother who was often sick - his father, a sailor, self-medicated. out of unrequited love for my grandmother by drinking.”

In my family, we carry an inherited alcohol gene.

We use it to go through periods with lots of clouds - to emerge again in the middle of the light again.

When I got divorced twice after 24 years of marriage,

I had a period where I bought a bottle whisky home on Friday after work -
I had emptied it on Sunday after 4
Monday morning I showed up for work and didn't touch a drop all week.”

I put a hand on his shoulder and looked him in the eye and said,
"Thank you for sharing your experiences with me and showing me your trust."

4.



THE DREAM OF STARTING SCHOOL - WAS BIG.HERE IS FROM THE FIRST DAY ♥



This story gave me the answer to several of the reactions I had experienced. in my life - with him.
I remembered some facts I had learned at a course in the 80s. I told him that.

"It was an American study from the 1980s that concluded that 25% of all women had sexual trauma from their childhood - which includes incest and the study concluded that the same is probably true for men. There are many in this statistic.
Another study also found a link between incest and becoming a pedophile - often came from my own similar experiences in childhood.

” Buller sat for a long time thinking about this information. The genetic footprint of the past. He continues quietly and now he is at home in the universe of energetic energies. "So if we take a sober look at what I have in my backpack, it looks like this: - The alcohol gene from my father and grandfather and probably further back."
- The pedophile gene from my father and my mother - here the trail is a little harder to follow, as we don't know if they have been subjected to abuse by their parents or just someone in their circle of friends.
But what is certain is that these energetic bonds are found in our DNA.
But that you always have the option to go with them or spend energy on controlling them."

We sat for a moment, thinking about what he had said. I continued to ask him,
“Can it be treated?”

He thought for a moment before answering,

"Yes, theoretically - but it's a little more complicated. Since it lies in our shared family energy DNA.
Several of the skilled therapists I have visited - can do this task."
The exciting thing about these treatments is that they don't just have an impact on me after the treatment, but for all those in my family DNA chain. And of course all those who come after.”

What a mouthful to take in at once.
Outside it was now incredibly quiet, almost no sound - only a dog barking faintly. down in the city.
It was past midnight and it was important to remember - that we had an important appointment with our bed.
Gradually the heat from the fireplace had disappeared and the embers had almost burned out. We drank out and cleaned up the last of it and said goodnight.
It was very cold in the bedroom - so it was important to quickly warm up the duvet.
I snuggled up under this lovely old-fashioned duvet that was heavy - as if it was filled with pebbles, but was also filled with old, safe energies.
The last thing I thought about - before I went to sleep - was that tomorrow I would get a visit from my lovely friend Ulla - then the house would come alive - now that I was alone for a few days.
Then I would relive the evening by the fireplace with her and the whiskey.
You're probably wondering why I say I was alone?

It's because Buller is my beautiful and sensitive inner child - whom I now take good care of - he didn't have an easy childhood - but through life he created the life - he has always dreamed of - through conscious choices and later he also expanded his dreams with a wish board.

He had a life filled with lots of experiences - just as his mission called for.
Always through conscious choices - always based on what he wanted and what he wanted to give!


​5.



ONE OF THE WISHES ON THE LIST WAS A DIVING HOLIDAY TO THE PHILIPPINES, WHAT AN EXPERIENCE!



So mission accomplished - so no need to come back and do it again. Thank you to the universe - thank you for taking good care of me - throughout my life.

"GOOD NIGHT BULLER - SLEEP WELL - I LOVE YOU -" I'LL ALWAYS TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOU!" WHAT IS THE MEANING?"

Yes why have I written this story.?

- Not to get pity

- I can't handle that role

- but why then?

- There are probably many reasons for that.

- The role of problem child

- I leave that here, along with my eternal role as pleaser.

- The problem child has filled a lot in my life

- without me really recognizing the image.

- The Pleaser role was important to me

- so I was recognized

- I downplayed it in the middle of my life.

- This feeling of not being good enough. Felt different.

- But I think - for the most part - I've done my best.

- Always felt I had to be better - to get recognition - love.

- Because I'm just a child who was abandoned by his parents

- Not being caught by the system with all the well-trained specialists! - To show off my parents? No, I love them dearly

- I am a love child of 2 people who loved each other deeply.

- Maybe the adults were just children who were abused themselves.


No, the closest thing to an answer would be:

- If there is a reader who recognizes the story or parts of it

- then the message to them must be:


- You are completely OK

- you always have been.

- You are not a problem child - never have been.

- You are a wonderful child.

- Like some adults on your trip did mischief!

- You are completely without fault or guilt. You need an unreserved apology

- you were NEVER the problem. So be kind and forgive yourself

- for being too hard on yourself - but love yourself.


If you don't have a healthy and loving connection with your inner child - So get it done.

- You deserve it.

- You deserve it. You are loved

- I love you - we love you and are sending you lots of bright and loving energies from the universe.


Hugs Finn ❤❤ 🙏


​6.





FINN MARCUS BJERRING



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